We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's blow job season.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
