the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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