She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize