Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
