so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
