Moan for me like Helen Keller
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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