I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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