I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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