living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
