ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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