the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize