you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
