You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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