The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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