This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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