Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
