I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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