I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
