I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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