I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
