So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
