Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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