3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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