She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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