i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
