Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
