I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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