I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
