Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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