Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
