so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize