my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
