My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
