in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
