If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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