He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
