I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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