So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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