carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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