Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
