no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
