dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
