She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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