I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
