Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
