U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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