and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
this is an emotional support booty call
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
