Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
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