Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize