I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
