Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
And then he peed in my hair
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
