I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
