Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize