I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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