Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He felt like a one man threesome
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
