i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
