IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
