awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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