Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
