Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
