Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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