I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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