you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We were destined to go to rehab together
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
