if only i could text you this smell
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
