My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
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